Author Topic: Clean Jokes  (Read 3416 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Not Yet Rated!

Offline Cleglaw

  • TQ Titans
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Topic Author
  • Posts: 66
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +1/-0
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Clean Jokes
« on: 17 January 2018, 05:35:17 »
Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Déja.

Déja who?

Knock knock.

A guy walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting alone.
He asks, "Outside? Under? Around? Over?
The woman gives him a cool look and asks, "Are you trying to preposition me?"

A man goes hiking and he sees a farmer with two cows, one is black and the other is white. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him "What do you feed the cows?"
The farmer asks "The black one or the white one?".
"The black one" says the man. "I feed it grass."
"What about the white one then?"
"I feed it grass too."
The man nods "And where do the usually sleep?"
"The black one or the white one?" the farmer asks.
"The black one"
"In the barn"
"What about the white one?"
"It sleeps in the barn too." Says the farmer.
The hiker starts getting frustrated, "And what do you use them for?" he asks.
The farmer asks again "The black one or the white one?".
"The black one" "Well I use it to get milk"
"And the white one?" "I use it to get milk too."
The hiker gets angry, and yells "What the hell is wrong with you? You keep asking me which cow I mean, then give me the same response for both!"
The farmer answers calmly "Well because the black cow is mine."
"Oh, and what about the white one?"
"It's mine too.."
The last dying words of Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
"I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct."

Not Yet Rated!

Offline TheBonobo4

  • TQ Titans
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 28
  • Country: gb
  • Karma: +1/-0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #1 on: 17 January 2018, 05:43:56 »
I saw a few crows gathered in the park earlier. Looked like an attempted murder.

Not Yet Rated!

Offline botebote77

  • mage boy
  • TQ Titans
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1606
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +13/-2
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Time Zone: ?
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #2 on: 17 January 2018, 06:27:22 »
there's this joke here in my country.. I'll just translate it to English

police: what does the suspect look like?

witness: he's wearing orange, has yellow hair

guy drawing suspect's portrait (artist): sir we can't take this one

police: why?

artist: wearing orange, has yellow hair.. either it's naruto or son goku C:-)
i are TQ titans
i are many people

Not Yet Rated!

Offline Cleglaw

  • TQ Titans
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Topic Author
  • Posts: 66
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +1/-0
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #3 on: 17 January 2018, 07:30:28 »
Two cows were standing next to one another in a field. One of them said, "moo".
The other one turned to her and said, "You know, that's funny. I was just about to say that myself".

The last dying words of Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
"I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct."

Not Yet Rated!

Offline botebote77

  • mage boy
  • TQ Titans
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1606
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +13/-2
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Time Zone: ?
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #4 on: 17 January 2018, 07:49:16 »
ugly man somehow helps a beautiful fairy

fairy: for your good deed, i will grant you one wish

ugly man: look at this map.. take me here so i can find the girl of my dreams

fairy: sorry my powers don't extend beyond my territory

ugly man: ok be a human and marry me instead

fairy: let me see that &%+# map again maybe we can do something about it
i are TQ titans
i are many people

Not Yet Rated!

Offline CrocMagnum

  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 124
  • Country: be
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Time Zone: ?
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #5 on: 20 January 2018, 13:59:22 »
God is dead (Nietzsche)

Nietzsche is dead (God)

Not Yet Rated!

Offline Cleglaw

  • TQ Titans
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Topic Author
  • Posts: 66
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +1/-0
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #6 on: 20 January 2018, 16:08:25 »
If I went to a bookshop and asked for the self-help section, would it be defeating the purpose?

Is there another word for synonym?

The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I am 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?



The last dying words of Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
"I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct."

Not Yet Rated!

Offline Bumbleguppy

  • D'oh-ist Mage
  • Forum Moderator
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 785
  • Country: us
  • Karma: +31/-0
    • View Profile
    • Awards
  • Time Zone: -8
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #7 on: 21 January 2018, 04:37:27 »
Okay, gonna lay down my favorite joke of all time even though I'm the only person I know that thinks it's that funny:

Two friends meet up and the first says "How's you grandma?" and the other guy says "She keep sliding down the banisters all the time."

The first guy says "Gee, she could break a hip! Isn't there any way to stop her?"

And the first guy says "Well, I wrapped the banister in barbed wire"

The first guys says "Oh no! Did that stop her?"

And the second guy says "No, but it sure slowed her up."


Not Yet Rated!

Offline Cleglaw

  • TQ Titans
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Topic Author
  • Posts: 66
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: +1/-0
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #8 on: 21 February 2018, 04:20:11 »
According to the Guardian.com the following joke was voted the funniest religious joke by readers of a Christian website.


I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said: "Yes."

I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
The last dying words of Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
"I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct."

Tags:
 


SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2022, SimplePortal