Off-Topic > Humor
Clean Jokes
CrocMagnum:
God is dead (Nietzsche)
Nietzsche is dead (God)
Cleglaw:
If I went to a bookshop and asked for the self-help section, would it be defeating the purpose?
Is there another word for synonym?
The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I am 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why do you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?
Bumbleguppy:
Okay, gonna lay down my favorite joke of all time even though I'm the only person I know that thinks it's that funny:
Two friends meet up and the first says "How's you grandma?" and the other guy says "She keep sliding down the banisters all the time."
The first guy says "Gee, she could break a hip! Isn't there any way to stop her?"
And the first guy says "Well, I wrapped the banister in barbed wire"
The first guys says "Oh no! Did that stop her?"
And the second guy says "No, but it sure slowed her up."
Cleglaw:
According to the Guardian.com the following joke was voted the funniest religious joke by readers of a Christian website.
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said: "Yes."
I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
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