Off-Topic > Humor

Clean Jokes

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Cleglaw:
Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Déja.

Déja who?

Knock knock.

A guy walks into a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting alone.
He asks, "Outside? Under? Around? Over?
The woman gives him a cool look and asks, "Are you trying to preposition me?"

A man goes hiking and he sees a farmer with two cows, one is black and the other is white. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him "What do you feed the cows?"
The farmer asks "The black one or the white one?".
"The black one" says the man. "I feed it grass."
"What about the white one then?"
"I feed it grass too."
The man nods "And where do the usually sleep?"
"The black one or the white one?" the farmer asks.
"The black one"
"In the barn"
"What about the white one?"
"It sleeps in the barn too." Says the farmer.
The hiker starts getting frustrated, "And what do you use them for?" he asks.
The farmer asks again "The black one or the white one?".
"The black one" "Well I use it to get milk"
"And the white one?" "I use it to get milk too."
The hiker gets angry, and yells "What the hell is wrong with you? You keep asking me which cow I mean, then give me the same response for both!"
The farmer answers calmly "Well because the black cow is mine."
"Oh, and what about the white one?"
"It's mine too.."

TheBonobo4:
I saw a few crows gathered in the park earlier. Looked like an attempted murder.

botebote77:
there's this joke here in my country.. I'll just translate it to English

police: what does the suspect look like?

witness: he's wearing orange, has yellow hair

guy drawing suspect's portrait (artist): sir we can't take this one

police: why?

artist: wearing orange, has yellow hair.. either it's naruto or son goku C:-)

Cleglaw:
Two cows were standing next to one another in a field. One of them said, "moo".
The other one turned to her and said, "You know, that's funny. I was just about to say that myself".

botebote77:
ugly man somehow helps a beautiful fairy

fairy: for your good deed, i will grant you one wish

ugly man: look at this map.. take me here so i can find the girl of my dreams

fairy: sorry my powers don't extend beyond my territory

ugly man: ok be a human and marry me instead

fairy: let me see that &%+# map again maybe we can do something about it

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